Perspective

I am off today and it feels great just to hang around the house for the morning with my dog.  Long weekend at work but it was very productive.  Today I have spent most of the morning with my ear buds in, doing some chores around the house and putting in some serious bonding time with Reno.  Music is one of the things in life I would have a hard time going without.  Right along with Food, Water and the Yankees. Mad, Sad, Happy, Glad, there is a song for every mood and my iPod has been with me for all of them.  Lately I have been into putting together playlists to listen to rather than just putting on an album or shuffling through the whole catalog.

One of the only things I hate about fall is the falling leaves.  They look great when they change color, but when they die and fall off the tree they create such a monotonous maintenance problem.  Cleaning them up blows, its as simple as that.  Leaves have this wonderful knack for clogging up the gutters which inevitably leads to me climbing on the roof to clear them out a couple times each fall.  It is one of those tasks that really isn't a big deal, and it doesn't even take that long, but you still find yourself irritated by it and complaining to yourself about it as you get out the ladder.

Every time I am up there I always take a moment to look around.  Taking in the view of the yard and the neighborhood around me.  Looking out past the back yard I can see off towards Wind Gap beyond.  Things look exactly the same, and yet different from the roof top.  It always strikes me how changing your perspective can change the very way that you view things.  Of course in a literal sense this is simple logic, but if you apply this same concept to your interactions with people in your life it can be a valuable tool. This is nothing new by any means, but how often do we actually do this?  I find myself that it is much easier to get angry than it is to take a moment to analyze why someone is doing whatever it is they might be doing.  There are definitely times when people are just being an idiot, but for those times that they are not isn't it worth taking that moment to put yourself in there shoes before you draw any conclusions?

A serious conflict occurs: Jumping to conclusions and stubbornly standing by them has been something I have done all too often in the past.  Drawing a line in the sand and than building a wall to block out anything contradictory to the judgment I have passed.  The most severe instances have always involved matters of the heart, because these are the situations where I feel the most vulnerable.  I have done it with my mother, there have been moments with close friends, girl friends, the people closest to me.  Once that wall is up there are really only two ways things can go. Either that relationship never recovers and is effectively ended, or after a long period of time there is that moment of reconciliation where someone finally gives in. 

So much time wasted.  And generally it could all be averted by simply taking a step back and looking at the situation from a different angle, a new perspective. 

Bouncing Back

I woke up this morning before my alarm clock went off, not exactly out of the ordinary.  But rather than roll over and relax in bed until the inevitable wake up call, I got right out of bed and went right into my morning routine.  As I went through the motions of brushing my teeth, taking a quick shower, toasting my bagel, my mind was bouncing around from thought to thought.  I packed up my backpack with a change of clothes and all the other items I bring each day and hopped on my bike for the journey to work.  I was three miles into the trip before I knew it.  I had ear buds in but I wasn't really listening to the music.  Completely distracted.  This kind of thing has been happening to me a lot over the past few weeks.

It was nice out this morning, the air was crisp but not cold and the sun was bright and shining down.  I felt like taking a random turn and letting the road take me wherever it led. No work, no people to deal with, no tasks to be delegated, plans to be made, just me and my bike.  And my thoughts. It is the perfect situation for this kind of thinking, when your on a long bike ride or out hiking a mountain trail.  There is something about being outside with all that open space around you and the fresh air filling your lungs.  Just following the trail, pedaling or walking along without having to worry about where you are or what you are doing.  Its easy in these moments to let your thoughts consume you.

I made it to work, and navigated through the work day productively enough, but that feeling of being on auto pilot persisted.  I was thinking of other things all day.  I ended up leaving early so that I could get back out on the road, back in the saddle, back in "the zone."  It was a beautiful day and I wanted to enjoy it, but more importantly I wanted to try and make sense out of why I have been so distracted, so restless, so out of synch.

I have noticed that lately I have been getting increasingly lazy the past month or two.  My workout routine that I had been so religiously following all summer had completely come to a stop.  I wasn't biking as much.  I had started running in preparation for a half marathon or tough mudder next spring and that had derailed already as well.  I was coming home from work most days and just lounging on the coach.  I was basically turning into a lazy sack of shit.  No motivation.

Getting my license back that is currently suspended is one thing that has been troubling me.  A few weeks ago I went and got my new Photo ID card, and just going to PennDOT brought that all fresh to my mind.  I am hoping that I can get it back in the next 8 months or so, but there are circumstances that could prevent me from getting it for several years beyond that time.  Not being able to drive is a very humbling experience, and I have been blessed with a mother who has been very supportive and helps me out a lot with rides.  I also have some great friends who help me regularly as well.  So obviously this is a pretty big issue for me.

Living at home has been a huge help for me, I have been able to save a load of money.  I have bills that I will be paying off by the summer that would have taken me years otherwise.  That being said, I am preparing myself for a move hopefully in the spring.  And that move is something I have to figure out as well.  Stay in the LV or relocate?

26 years old and living at home, what a bum right?  No license, how pathetic.  I bet he sits down to pee and likes the Red Sox too....

I was in a rut.

Than I decided to stop being such a punk and get over it.  Stop feeling sorry for myself and get off my lazy ass.  This kind of self defeating thought process is unacceptable to me.  I am far too confident in myself to give in to such negativity.

The workouts are back on track and I feel great.  Its ridiculous how important physical fitness is to your overall mental health, and my fitness level is through the roof right now.  The biking is back on track, back in the saddle!  The running will come, that Tough Mudder in April isnt going to run itself.  Work was beginning to frustrate me, but I refuse to back down from the challenge and have picked it up a notch.  I have a lot of leadership ability and its time to put it on display again. 

Born again hard.

And I am not giving up on her, but that is another story for another time.