I woke up this morning before my alarm clock went off, not exactly out of the ordinary. But rather than roll over and relax in bed until the inevitable wake up call, I got right out of bed and went right into my morning routine. As I went through the motions of brushing my teeth, taking a quick shower, toasting my bagel, my mind was bouncing around from thought to thought. I packed up my backpack with a change of clothes and all the other items I bring each day and hopped on my bike for the journey to work. I was three miles into the trip before I knew it. I had ear buds in but I wasn't really listening to the music. Completely distracted. This kind of thing has been happening to me a lot over the past few weeks.
It was nice out this morning, the air was crisp but not cold and the sun was bright and shining down. I felt like taking a random turn and letting the road take me wherever it led. No work, no people to deal with, no tasks to be delegated, plans to be made, just me and my bike. And my thoughts. It is the perfect situation for this kind of thinking, when your on a long bike ride or out hiking a mountain trail. There is something about being outside with all that open space around you and the fresh air filling your lungs. Just following the trail, pedaling or walking along without having to worry about where you are or what you are doing. Its easy in these moments to let your thoughts consume you.
I made it to work, and navigated through the work day productively enough, but that feeling of being on auto pilot persisted. I was thinking of other things all day. I ended up leaving early so that I could get back out on the road, back in the saddle, back in "the zone." It was a beautiful day and I wanted to enjoy it, but more importantly I wanted to try and make sense out of why I have been so distracted, so restless, so out of synch.
I have noticed that lately I have been getting increasingly lazy the past month or two. My workout routine that I had been so religiously following all summer had completely come to a stop. I wasn't biking as much. I had started running in preparation for a half marathon or tough mudder next spring and that had derailed already as well. I was coming home from work most days and just lounging on the coach. I was basically turning into a lazy sack of shit. No motivation.
Getting my license back that is currently suspended is one thing that has been troubling me. A few weeks ago I went and got my new Photo ID card, and just going to PennDOT brought that all fresh to my mind. I am hoping that I can get it back in the next 8 months or so, but there are circumstances that could prevent me from getting it for several years beyond that time. Not being able to drive is a very humbling experience, and I have been blessed with a mother who has been very supportive and helps me out a lot with rides. I also have some great friends who help me regularly as well. So obviously this is a pretty big issue for me.
Living at home has been a huge help for me, I have been able to save a load of money. I have bills that I will be paying off by the summer that would have taken me years otherwise. That being said, I am preparing myself for a move hopefully in the spring. And that move is something I have to figure out as well. Stay in the LV or relocate?
26 years old and living at home, what a bum right? No license, how pathetic. I bet he sits down to pee and likes the Red Sox too....
I was in a rut.
Than I decided to stop being such a punk and get over it. Stop feeling sorry for myself and get off my lazy ass. This kind of self defeating thought process is unacceptable to me. I am far too confident in myself to give in to such negativity.
The workouts are back on track and I feel great. Its ridiculous how important physical fitness is to your overall mental health, and my fitness level is through the roof right now. The biking is back on track, back in the saddle! The running will come, that Tough Mudder in April isnt going to run itself. Work was beginning to frustrate me, but I refuse to back down from the challenge and have picked it up a notch. I have a lot of leadership ability and its time to put it on display again.
Born again hard.
And I am not giving up on her, but that is another story for another time.
No comments:
Post a Comment